Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Your carbon-scarring seems quite prominent.......

The irony of it all is that on a daily basis, I check on average about 8 blogs. Some are friends, others are knitters, and some are just plain funny. On long, lonely days in London, I'd often check multiple times a day, just in case someone wrote two entries for that day. And on days they didn't put in an entry, I'd take personal offence to their neglect. *Ring* Ring* "Hello, Kettle? This is Pot...." My deepest apologies for all of you who checked this blog regularly for updates (or are still checking, huh Sarah?) and there has been nothing since April. The most honest reason I have is that during that month I was faced with some major life-changing decisions, and by the end of the day, I was so sick of thinking about it and talking about it- typing about it wasn't all that attractive. And after the decision was made, I was thrown into a new transition and the neglected blog would whimper from time to time for sustenance, but my guilt for the initial neglect continued to promote further neglect (reason why I am not ready for a pet. Ask me someday about the tragic demise of Valentino, my Beta). Often a thought would pop up or something would happen and I'd think "oh, I should blog that" but then the reminder that an IMPORTANT ENTRY needed to happen before comic relief, so the neglect continued. So, this will be a very condensed version of "How Lynn's Life Took a Major Turn for the Better" and I'll fill in details as time goes on.
After a clarifying week at home over Easter, I made the decision to withdraw from my graduate program. I have done a great disservice to this blog in my lack of authenticity about how miserable I really was with the academic components of my life in London (which was the primary purpose for being there). Blog entries (defined in my head) were just for funny stories and updates, and the idea of posting "I slept in until 1:00pm again, because the last thing I want to do is face my reading" was really depressing. I think too there was an element that to write it out for all to see would make it real, and I was certain I was doing something wrong that made it so hard. I made some lifestyle adjustments, in hopes that it would clear up a few of the challenges to free up some more emotional bandwidth, and ended up with a really fun job (making coffee at a cafe run by a neighborhood church) and a good, comfortable place to live (far away from the neightmares of campus housing). With those things in the "helpful" category, instead of the "rather poke myself in the eye with a spoon than deal with it" category, I was able to see with great clarity that what I was left with was a bunch of academic material I did not have any passion for, minimal interaction with my advisers, professors and classmates, and a dissertation project I was months behind in without any hope of finding a topic I'd be excited to pursue. I struggled with the questions like "should I stick with it, because in the end I'll have a MA degree?" and "I'm not a quitter! Am I?" but in the end realized this academic program was not a good fit for me, and to force a bad fit for six more months would create more regrets than leaving without that degree. As all the cards fell, I decided to stay in London until mid-June (the time Karen and Stephen had already planned to come out for some UK travel before their Ethiopia adventure). That would leave me with two months to continue working, explore the world around me free of academic related guilt, and give London a chance to woo me back so when I looked back, I'd remember it fondly.
And it worked! After making the decision I felt an immense amount of peace, I began to sleep well, and I woke up each morning excited for what was next. Everyone I knew in London asked me what was different the minute they saw me. Many remarked how happy and peaceful I looked. I'll save more details for another time, but highlights included a four day bus tour of Scotland with my good school friend Heather, a yarn workshop/adventure with knitting buddy Ginger in northern England, a whole week in Morocco visiting Seattle-friend Jonelle, and of course, a weekend in Italy with Karen and a weekend in Ireland with Karen and Stephen. I had more weekends out of the city than I did in. As my days filled up with joyful things to look forward to, I was able to invest in the time I had in London. I spent time at my job, enjoying the staff and customers (and the free coffee). I explored London on my own. Most trips were well documented at http://picasaweb.google.com/lynnmarieva.
God is so good, and His timing is perfect. Two months were just enough time to get to do all the things on my "Must Do" list, spend quality time with the people I would miss, and was ready to leave when the time came. Right now, I am in California, having fun in Children's Ministries as their Interim Assistant Program Director for Preschool. Dad and I watch all the CSI we can stomach. Mom and I play Settlers of Catan with the new expansion pack she got for Christmas (hooray for random Game Shops in London). On July 29th, after I have helped CM pack up Elementary Day Camp I will pack up the mini-van with my own stuff and head up to Seattle to rebuild a life. Luckily, I already have the two most important things you need in life: a fabulous place to live, and a community of believers. I've got both. Eagerly awaiting God to reveal His plan for the rest of it, but right now my biggest stress is if I am going to paint my new room or not. Many thanks to all of you who have been praying me through this adventure. And it's just beginning.

3 Comments:

Anonymous mary dejong said...

oh LYNN! i have been checking your blog occasionally and simply knew that life had taken you on quite a ride. sometimes it is simply too much to try to write it all down. but, thank you so much for this update! i've been looking through your pictures; you look so happy! do you realize you were almost in iona?!?! maybe you didn't quite make it because you are meant to come with tami and i someday :) anyhow, SO glad you are coming back to seattle! i need you to reinspire these knitting fingers. can't wait to see you!

8:38 PM  
Blogger sarahmarie said...

Praise the Lord, she is back! I have been SO faithful about checking for updates and am SO glad you are back at it! I'm sure you will have plenty of entertaining stories from children's ministries so I expect to see some of them posted! AND I will see you in August when I come visit you in your new place!

12:27 AM  
Blogger traCe&beCcA said...

Finally!!! I check your blog ALL the time and almost gave up. so good to hear your voice and know what the last few months have been about. i hope i get to see you sometime soon. i'm actually in LA at the moment! same state as you! too bad traffic means i'm a million miles away. i love you dear.

12:16 AM  

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